Good news everyone… The boys and girls at Game of Thrones head quarters have decreed that we don’t need the dreary monotony of Jon Snow’s and Ser Davos’s; long, boring, slow sea voyage to Dragonstone on our screens. Probably talked about onions- not really important, however in the flip side to this we now get five minutes of introductions between Tyrion and The Nights Watch. Remember when we last meet?
Yep we all saw that episode.
How did the dwarf get to his new heady position? The Lord Commander is intrigued, turns out the loquacious one was drunk for most of it. Seems about right…
Finally the meeting of ice and fire, it’s been a long time in the offering and did not disappoint. The Queen of the Andals, Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, her from Terminator, that chick form Me Before You, likes wandering about in the nip, sure she had lesbian tendencies in the books and so forth.
KING IN THE NORTH, KING IN THE NORTH, KING IN THE NORTH, KING IN THE NORTH.
After some verbal jousting, a great deal of silence and more than a smidge of smoldering looks the deal is set. For someone who has three giant flying lizards at her beck and call you think the idea of snow zombies would be easily swallowed.
Skip to Kings Landing, turns out Yara and Ellaria are still alive, more importantly turns out crowds of gawkers in Kings Landing actually shout boo in disproval… Now there is a horse in the throne room, you think someone would show some decorum but I suppose when you are fuc*ing your brother taste and decency are thrown out the window.
As every schoolboy knows a Lannister always pays their debts and the Bank of Braavos is here to collect. Or is it the Iron Bank? But if this is The Iron Throne wouldn’t that make this the… It’s all very confusing and no one cares so on to everyone’s favourite manipulator…
Petyr Baelish. What’s that your doing Lord Protector of the Vale? Playing mind games? And with Sansa? Well I never!! If only there was some sort of distraction…
Oh hello Bran.
Sam does Sam stuff, people sigh. But on the plus side Jim Broadbent!!
Now we are talking, here it comes! The taking of Casterly Rock! The Unsullied are ready, the popcorn is warm and salted, the ice is cooling the beverage, the… Oh it’s over, well that’s okay I guess the siege of House Tyrell will be long remembered and the minstrels will sing of the deeds of valour and heroism and…
Bollocks! Someone pass the Long Goodbye. Or is it the Long Farewell? Either way snap to it!