We all have daily stresses that mount up, cause headaches and sleepless nights; will this months pay cover little Timmy’s piano lessons, will Fido ever be found, did I dig that prostitute’s grave deep enough and who’s shoes are they? However all these problems are minute compared to the wholesale anarchy that is currently rampaging around my skull.
In my pokey yet comfortable one bedroom flat I have seventeen plug sockets available to me! Seventeen!! I just counted them again, still seventeen!! Six in the sitting room and that’s just the start… two in a hallway that is crowed with one person in it, four in a bedroom that contains a bed and not much else and the remaining FIVE in the kitchen. I’m at a loss, dumbfounded even. My lid is blown and my mind has started drooling, I just can’t take such whimsy.
After a short but satisfying nervous breakdown I set about the task of finding a use for them all with a lust for life that Iggy Pop himself would have been proud of. Broadband and laptop take care of the two by the sofa, the telly and X-Box sort out the two over the other side of the room. That leaves the final two that are sequestered away in the corner, not a problem – I can plug in the hoover and my phone. Excellent, one room down with little to no hassle, on to the bedroom – I can… I can… I can… Off I pop to the kitchen. Microwave, check. Kettle, check. I can’t afford a toaster and I’m fast running out of ideas, I can charge my razor all the time, I guess – In the kitchen because of reasons… Now I’m really stymied. The bedroom is not a major issue because like most sensible folk I sleep with my eyes closed, though sometimes I do wake in a cold sweat. The hallway is the really issue, they taunt me every time I leave or enter the flat. My downfall writ large and white as if they are mocking me with a semblance of some sort of surrender, I shudder as I climb the steps to my front door and moan audibly as I turn the key. My everlasting shame plain for all to see.
And don’t get me started on the four access points for internet connection.