Drained of all energy my day is spent in deep contemplation, or it would be if I could hold a thought or grasp an ideal for longer than two milliseconds. Crashed out on the couch, slumped in a close approximation of defeat my arm dangles wistfully over the edge, playfully teasing the carpet with my fingertips. A stray lock of hair affronts my face but the effort required to brush it aside is to onerous, the drone of the traffic requires my attention but as with most things the focus is short. A red light dances in front of my eyes capturing my imagination but as the blur lifts and focus returns I realise it is only the television making a mockery of my solitude, affronted I refrain from partaking in its game and flout the rules of society leaving the remote stranded on the floor.

Time skips by, the minutes turn to hours as the clock continues her everlasting loop. Filling the  room with her monotonous ticking, repeatedly jarring me back to realms of reality. Rumblings of hunger reverberate around my stomach causing misgivings; while food would ease the pangs the thought of lining her with anything but air cause distress on an unimaginable scale, plus the trip to the kitchen would be fraught with many a danger; obstacles would need to be circumnavigated, provisions appropriated, schedules checked and you know I just couldn’t be bothered…

With that decided sleep became the main goal. Nights spent tossing and turning sweating buckets have become the mainstay, no respite form the hunted cries of the night and evenings spent not million miles away from the shores of insanity mean that as the sun rises the demons creep back into the shadows and the cool comfort of the sofa beckons. Though the walk from bedroom to sitting room does require a certain amount of forethought…

Now back where I began – lying prone the sands of time slipping contemptuously through my fingers I reach for a thought; a glimpse of clear headedness, a momentary blessing of sanity, a single second of sweet release, as a memory stirs from the dark recess of my diseased mind causing a faint smile to play across my face.

I’ve done this before.



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