I sit here on my comfortable but stained couch, the four walls unadorned save for the Blue Tack remnants and empty nail holes. My breath misting before me and I wonder “where did it all go wrong?” I laugh maniacally at the obviousness of my own question, after all I can trace my woes all the way back to my childhood.
The tidying and cleaning done, the dishes stored for tomorrows inevitable usage. The bed made in preparation for tonights blissful oblivion and the scum cleaned away from around the drain. Shelves dusted, the floor hovered so the feet can be raised in a celebratory nature.
Unfortunately all this productivity has left me idle and somewhat bored. My thoughts race at the speed of light, unbidden they are forever chasing their tails as no peace can be found, my minds eye is no place for the faint of heart. Yet here I am drowning in memories of a turbulent past. I lift my head and repress a shudder, the cold is biting I tell myself.
Do I dawdle upon past mistakes and recriminations of a miss spent youth? Hardly, I am far from a saint but yet I am not the villain of the piece. The ugliness of life has battered me down again and again, yet I find myself scarred but still alive and somewhat kicking. Humanity in all its vileness and greed has tried to sink her claws into me, however the joke is turned as I have witnessed it all previously. Nothing in this existence now holds much mystery to me, the wanderlust from my former self returns as my soul yearns for adventure and the bliss of ignorance.
While I can hardly claim to have seen attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, I have seen my fair share of life. Nothing really surprises me these days as the season pass and days gel into each other as the circular nature of life is revealed and I grow weary, oh so weary. One despot is much like another, one two faced ingrate matches perfectly to another, one money grubbing slack jawed yokel is indiscernible from the one I met yesteryear.
My mind wanders of its own accord, searching the haunted spaces of a derelict looking for answers that are already known to it. The inner demons have been vanquished for the moment and a calm washes through me, however it is short lived respite as they are merely mounting a counter offensive. Unfortunately they attack without taking into account one thing; I have done this before.