I’ve done a few serious posts recently but the desire to slip back into nonsensical whimsy is always strong. To rummage through my memory banks and see if I can summon up an amusing anecdote.

I can’t.

Not much has been happening of late, my days are spent deep in mediation. The nights find me gazing into the darkness, trying to pierce the inky gloom of my surroundings. Nothing stirs, the wind whispers in my mind and I grow old.  Aged by more than years, a heavyness of the soul, a weight of despondency that I find hard to shake.

Now and then I question the path that has lead me here. Deliberating over my choices and probing my actions, I am at peace with the selections I have made but the next part of my life is not one I wish to embark on alone. I am adrift and it would be no exaggeration to say that sometimes the walls of reality bend and I find myself drowning in memories.

Too melancholy perhaps? Too fustian for the masses? Words and phrases from my past bubble up and comfort me, I have suffered despair before. The world has frozen and spun on its axle once already, I have known lows that lasted a lifetime but in reality was mearly a minute or five. I have seen the sun rise and the moon, in all her glory, sink from view. I proceed.

I find pleasure in the little things, the neighbours dog makes me smile as does the friendly greeting of a complete stranger. My surroundings comfort me yet at the same time cause a listlessness, the wanderlust of my youth returns only this time I shall bide my time and wait for the correct moment to strike out into the world  and leave the saftey of my leafy homestead. Armed this time with the knowledge of several generations, hopefully this time I will remember it all!

The impetuousness of my younger days is long gone yet is replaced by the ticking of a clock. I have made mistakes, we all have but I feel, I hope, my penance is soon to be lifted. It seems as if the world draws breath, waiting for the next instalment of my journey.


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