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We have all seen the trailer by now? Yes? No need to bombard you with another viewing but it is past time to play a game I like to call lets-start-some-wild-and-unfounded-speculation. First up that trailer…

John Boyega as Finn aka Stormtrooper number 45star-wars-episode-7-john-boyega

Is he even an Imperial agent? Back in the day Stormtroopers and TIE Fighter pilots where all given identical masks to dehumanise them, make them more robotic and therefore less of a problem to kill off legions of them. Here we have an unmasked one. Perhaps he is doing the old Han and Luke trick of masquerading as your enemy.  Or maybe he is just a captain and we need to differentiate him from the hordes of his evil buddies.

The background looks familiar though doesn’t it? A lot like Tatooine…

BB-8 KEEPS THE BALL ROLLINGstar-wars-7-trailer-photo-roller-droid__span

On Tatooine, I’m convinced about it. Okay it might not be but the backdrop of old, rusty, beat up contraptions make it look a lot like the planet that is the furthest from the bright center of the universe, if there is one…

The fences make it look like a possible moisture farm and Tatooine has featured in both the prequel and of course the original so chances are good. Perhaps we will find an old bearded Luke Skywalker pottering about looking for would be Jedi’s to train?

SEND IN THE CLONES
Star-Wars-Stormtroopers

Evil Stormtroopers, lots of them. Look at all that darkness and shadowy nooks and err okay not much to go on here but surely it implies that the Galatic Empier is still in full force and fighting back.

SPEEDING SWIFTLY ONWomanSpeeder3

Is she evil? Good? Or somewhere inbetween? Called Rey and that backdrop looks full of scum and villainy if you ask me and that is about it.

ON A WING AND A PRAYERstar-wars-episode-vii-force-awakens

Played by Oscar Isaac, the pilot in the trailer goes by the unusual moniker of Poe Dameron. However his X-Wing has a blue stripe, so not Rouge Squadron material. Perhaps they have been disbanded, perhaps he doesn’t like the colour red. With all three flying in tight formation it looks like another stay on target moment, intergalactic Damnbusters anyone?

FEAR OF THE DARK
112814_StarWars_TheForceAwakens3

Unless I miss my guess completely this guy is bad news, a Sith Lord even! The added bonus of a crossguard on his/her lightsaber is too cool for school. The name of Kylo Ren is the mysterious strangers handle but without the prefix Darth perhaps the assumption could well be erroneous. Just because the lightsaber is red and he is dressed all in black doesn’t necessarily mean he is evil, odds are he is but…

Never tell me the odds!x1626CROP_tea0050_PUB_2_35_noMB_16int.v07.4+(1)

The Millennium Falcon people! The Millennium frigging Falcon people!! X-wing’s and The Millennium… sorry, sorry I got a bit carried away there. Flying over Mos Eisley or maybe Mos Espa, just gotta be somewhere on Tatooine, just gotta be.

As every farmboy knows: TIE fighters have no hyperdrive capability, so that means that the planet below is in Imperial hands or a Star Destroyer lurks menacingly out of shot, lets hope whoever is flying that piece of junk knows a few maneuvers…

Hope that has covered all the bases and answered all those question, now you know exactly the same as everyone else – nothing.

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