Am I the only one that spends a large chunk of any given day lost in thought? Granted not so much anymore but when I worked in retail my mind would wander free of its restraints, board witless with whatever mind numbing task that had been bestowed upon me. These days it still shakes loose from its moorings and takes me on a journey but when it returns I’m not staring at someone in disillusionment as they ask me if we sell a particular brand of beer.

Instead of: It’s not an exceptionally large store, why don’t you try looking for it yourself? I had to feign politeness: No we don’t sell that.

I got it from here last week.

No you didn’t. I have worked here for three years and I have the misfortune of spending at least thirty five hours a week in this dreary pit. I can categorically guarantee you that you did not purchase that specific product from this store, ever.

Actually answer: Oh right, probably on offer or something.

Do you think you will be getting it back in again?

Well considering that we never had it in the first place you question is somewhat redundant, however if you wish I can check my crystal ball and see what the future holds.

Yeah maybe, things change in here all the time.

They didn’t though, every day the same faces, the same monotonous assignments, the same, the same, the same, the same…

I’m sure you can understand why my mind took flight and cultivated a brighter future, a better tomorrow. However when it came crashing back down to reality I would find my body had moved of its own volition to another area of the store and I was now preparing a trolley to take out and replenish whatever the loyal customers had decreed to buy.

How the hell did I end up here? Wasn’t I at the… Better get on with it I suppose, ah here comes Liam maybe he can divert my attention from this tedious undertaking I have apparently taken upon myself.

Hey Doug, *random Simpsons quote*

Ah saved from oblivion for another hour or so.

Hey Liam, whats happenin?

In fact I can pinpoint the exact moment that I lost all faith in the human race. I wasn’t always this bitter, oh no.

I had given up on school and was filling the hours by working in my local supermarket, when on one fateful afternoon I was approached by an elderly lady and asked if we sold Aunt Bessie’s chips. I had no clue so informed her I would go and have a look. The appropriate section was sans the required product, just to make sure though I double checked with my manager. The answer was a negative, I returned to my customer and politely informed this dear old lady that we sadly lacked this frozen delight.

That’s not good enough.

Oh I am sorry. I will keep my eyes open and if it comes in I will put some aside for you. Or if you leave your number I will get someone to phone you and you can pick it up at your leisure.

Can I speak to your manager?

Safe in the knowledge that I had done nothing wrong I hailed the portly gentleman and departed to continue with my duties. Later in the day I enquired about their conversation.

She wanted to complain because you where too cheery.


I shit you not, the old bag was aghast at my happy friendly manner, I’m not effing lying. She issued a grievance because I was nice to her.

I despair sometimes, I really do!


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