This weeks episode features God, me pretending to be Alec Guinness and a flash back.
I was lying in bed debating the merits of getting up when I heard a knock at the door. Normal procedure is to bound out of bed and charge down the stairs because someone chapping at the gateway to my sanctum of peace normally indicates a parcel from Amazon. However I have not ordered anything from anywhere for quite some time, so I mulled over the pros and cons of getting up.
I was doing very little, in fact I was only listening to Here I Go Again by Whitesnake, so with the knowledge that my music was more important I decided to leave the early morning callers stranded on my front step.
Again came the knocking.
Must be imperative I thought, maybe someone here to read the gas or some such. Fine I will get up but I’m not going to be happy about it!
First things first, better put on my Jedi robe. Don’t want to answer the door naked, again.
Grumbling my hatred for the world I proceeded down the stairs and greeted my callers. Two lovely ladies where standing upon my porch.
Worth getting out of bed for!
Hi we have been talking to you neighbours about all the suffering in the world.
[I don’t like the sound of this] Yes?
Do you have a moment to talk to us?
[Mmm pretty ladies] okay
We would just like to speak to you about our lord and
[knew bloody knew it] No I’m not interested, thanks.
Is that all religions or
I’m just really busy at the moment.
After all I had Here I Go Again to listen to.
It does put me in mind of the time when a similar occurrence took place.
This time I was not in bed and I foolishly answered the door without a seconds hesitation. Waiting for me was a smiling dude that thrust a pamphlet at me. I took it(what was I meant to do) and my eyes glazed over as he whittled on about God and Jesus.
I just stood there, not listening, just thinking how to extricate myself from the conversation without looking rude.
As soon as the cheery fellow finished I seized the opportunity and informed him I was not interested.
He just stood there!! Could I shut the door? Did he realise the conversation was over?
I’ll keep the pamphlet and look at it though, I told him as I started to shut the door.
Oh you can’t keep it unless you join.
*Really* You are trying to sway my religious beliefs with the temptation of pap. Has this ever worked? And is it not a bit ironic?! Here keep your poorly xeroxed flyer.
Why am I surround by fools? Lord, why dost thou forsake me?? Why do you test me on a daily basis? Have I not suffered enough? Is this some sort of punishment, retribution for some imagined slight? When will it end? Oh the humanity, the humanity!!
Needs more cowbell.