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Last night’s cinema trip was a mixed bag, firstly I was late and as I pride myself on my excellent punctuality this was a distasteful beginning.

Not belated enough to miss the start of the film or anything but enough that I was required to sit in the front row and crane my neck skywards for the entirety of the film.

Indeed I only missed a few adverts but it still rankled. My discomfort was further increased when the empty seat beside me was populated by someone with worse timekeeping than yours truly!

I get ahead of myself though, let me take you back to my encounter at the confectionery counter.

Despite my lateness, or perhaps because of it, I decided to treat myself to a regular sized Coke(other soft drinks are available.) There was no queue so I anticipated a smooth transaction. Unfortunately the young maiden manning(womanning?) the checkout was particularly attractive, so my brain decided to flee to the further recesses of my mind and giggle like a little school girl.

I have problems talking to people on a daily basis, throw in alluring ladies and I have all the self-composure of a headless chicken.

I checked my testicals to make sure they were still attached and charged into the fray.

I successfully ordered my beverage, it was all down hill from there.

My brain had foolishly decided to venture forth and was suggesting all manner of conversation starters. I was focusing all my attention on quieting the maniac when I was prompted to hand over my money.

Having no idea what amount was required I decided the best course of action was to throw all my money across the counter.

“Enough money to throw away?” the angelic apparition enquired.

Now was my moment! Ready to grasp it I scoured my cranium for a response. Nothing, absolutely nothing!! My mind was as empty as the Sahara. So I chose to laugh manically and escape to my screening of Noah.

Thanks brain, thanks a bunch!

Back to the inconsiderate moviegoers that occupied the seat adjacent to me.

That’s right, you guessed it, they talked throughout the proceedings.

It was not a total washout(Noah? Washout? Never mind) as one of he characters in the film was called Ham and his family spent a lot of time shouting his name.

Ham! Ham!! HAM!!!

It’s the little things that get me through the day.

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