…About you! That is Ugly Kid Joe! I don’t hate everything about you, not quite.

Living in a constant state of awkwardness, I hate most things. Such things as;

1. Walking into empty shops. When I say empty, I mean of customers. Three members of staff race to be the first one to great me, throwing me off my stride. I recover with a casual nod and escape to the farthest reaches of the store. However, all I can think about now is how much of a shoplifter do I look like, pretty much ignoring the friendly staff and hiding at the back of the store. In my panic I forget what I had come in for, pick up a jacket, feign interest, look at the price tag, pretend to be aghast at the cost and hightail it out of there. This happens a lot more than I care to admit.

2.Buying toilet paper. When I do all that goes through my mind is you are buying 15 rolls of toilet paper and nothing else, the cashier is going to think your weird.  I manage to still my racing heart. This is after all an everyday occurrence for the till jockey, nothing suspicious. By the time I have calmed my mind I realise that I’ve been asked  a question. With no idea whats just been said all I can manage is a blank look and maybe a poliet laugh. Once again my cover is blown and another person knows I’m unstable. Time to find another shop to frequent.

3.Getting my hair cut. If you have been paying attention you should know this. For those slackers at the back of the class https://pullupapew.wordpress.com/2014/01/31/when-in-rome/

4. Inappropriate small talk. Such as “my dog just died” What the hell do you say to this? “Oh I’m sorry” Cause that is all I have! Do they want a hug? They’re not getting one!! In fact number four could be “small talk” though I am willing to go one step further and say any sort of interaction outwith my small group of friends.

5.People that don’t say please and thank you. I’m not going to go off into a rant. The subject is quite self explanatory. The next person that doesn’t say please or thank you is getting a punch in the back of the head.


So thank you all for reading this and please take the time to look around at some of my other posts.
They are not all as grumpy as this one, honest…


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